


rest your hearts on the family name

by cashewdani



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-09
Updated: 2010-08-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 02:19:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1287550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashewdani/pseuds/cashewdani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The next morning, while they're packing, he finds the box of condoms in the bedside drawer and realizes they hadn't used one. That's the first time. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for jb_bigbang. Much thanks to irishmizzy and miss_bennie for encouraging me to participate in the first places and then their continued support as I told them it was terrible/incomplete/sloppy/never going to exist in the first place. And something beyond thanks for littledivinity for agreeing to do the artwork for this piece and making it beyond incredible.

Kevin has always liked the moments that come at the end of the day. Even when he was a little boy, after his mother tucked him in and left the hallway light on so he wouldn't be afraid, it was his favorite. The quiet of it and the calm and how if you lay still enough you can hear your heartbeat and let everything kind of drift away. To be dealt with another time.

Tonight, the steady consistency of his pulse is drowned out by the sounds of the beach. Danielle's breathing, measured and slow. She's lying next to him, his wife, and it's still strange to say that. _Wife_ , she's his wife now. .

Her hair's spread out all over the pillow, and she's beautiful, and he doesn't want to leave tomorrow. He just wants to stay here forever in this dark hotel room that's filled with the hum of the ocean.

"You're still awake aren't you," she murmurs, eyes remaining closed, and he reaches out to stroke the crown of her head.

"Yeah. Did I wake you?" he whispers, wanting to kiss her. Always kind of wanting to kiss her.

"No," she says, looking at him while reaching over, finding his hipbone. She sighs, and shifts, and slips the pair of underwear she has on down her legs. And yet the whole time the look on her face is kind of sleepy and peaceful. Not predatory at all. Kevin's still finding it hard to breathe.

When she lies down on top of him, she's warm and smells like the sheets in the morning, and it's this above everything else that makes him feel lucky. Better than the tours and fans and money in the bank. Like all that other stuff was just to fill in the time between being with her.

"I love you," she says, voice low. Kissing him quietly. And then her body shakes, like it's coming alive. Like everything's waking up. 

When she leans back, rocking on top of him, her breasts are two dark shadows in the white of her t-shirt, and he feels like the virgin he was a few days ago thinking it's the most erotic thing he's ever seen.

He puts a hand between her legs and she sighs her encouragement. Kevin tries to keep his breathing even, to make it last as long as he can, but he knows it's not going to accomplish much. She gasps, and he moves his fingers faster, setting a rhythm that he hopes she likes. That's good.

When she comes it makes him feel like as much of a rock star as playing the guitar to a sold out crowd, and he bites his lip and follows her, and this is happiness and bliss and perfection.

She stays curved around his side, afterward, and he can close his eyes and finally sleep.

The next morning, while they're packing, he finds the box of condoms in the bedside drawer and realizes they hadn't used one. That's the first time.

***

Joe is thinking about french toast when it happens. How he hasn't had a really good piece of french toast since they went on the road and why it's apparently impossible for catering to make one that tastes like it hasn't been microwaved. And while he's wondering the next time he'll have a chance to hit an IHOP, he hears his mother say, "Oh, Danielle, sweetie, your nose!"

He turns around to see where they're at behind him, and her nose is just _gushing_ with blood, like that time he kicked a soccer ball right into Nick's face. And suddenly everyone's crowding around, handing her tissues, and telling her to pinch the bridge, and that she'll be fine, it's just too much air conditioning.

"Here, sit down," one of the craft service girls is saying, pulling over a folding chair, and they're helping her into it like she was a little old lady who got hit by a car. Danielle keeps saying she's fine, but Joe can see the way her hands are shaking just a little. This one drop of blood that made it to the front of her sweater.

"Go get Kevin," his mother tells him, rubbing Danielle's back in these small, little circles. "Go," she has to repeat because he's just standing there like a dipshit watching the proceedings.

All of these venues are kind of like Habitrails for hamsters behind the scenes, and he's just attempting to figure out the last place he saw Kevin and Nick, running down the corridors at random.

They're in the room they've been holding the instruments in, Kevin waiting while Nick finishes getting his guitar in tune. "Kev, Danielle is having this like insane nosebleed out of nowhere," Joe says, bursting in and breathing heavy, even though he hasn't been running all that far. "Oh, and hey, Nick."

"Again?" Kevin says, moving in the direction Joe came from.

"What do you mean _again_?" Nick's asking him, putting down the guitar. "This happened before?" But Kevin's too far away or he's ignoring them, because he doesn't answer. "Did you know about this?" Nick asks Joe, and Joe shakes his head. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, Mom's with her. And it's just a nosebleed." Joe tells him, trying to calm himself down at the same time. It's just that there was way more blood than should have seemed possible.

"But, it's more than one nosebleed, Joe."

"Look, don't worry about it, it's fine." He wraps his arm around Nick's neck. "I bet by the time we make it down there, it's over."

But down near the stage, Kevin's still leaning over Danielle, one hand at her forehead and the other resting on her thigh. There's another spot on her sweater.

***

The nosebleed that Joe saw, that was the third one she's gotten. The first was in the bathroom after a workout that she'd dealt with and moved on with her day from. But then she'd woken up two mornings later with blood all over her pillow and had to tell Kevin that it had happened before. She's been freaking out, to be honest, since that morning back in Tulsa, her cheek sticky and new sheets ruined. Typing nosebleeds into Google on her phone, but being too scared to hit search. Thinking about how it could say tumors or cancer or something else terrible that she just hasn't yet had the chance to think about as a possibility.

What was weird though is she's been noticing that one of the suggested searches is "nosebleeds and pregnancy".

And while clearly pregnancy would be a million times better than brain tumors or leukemia, it's weirdly the same level of scariness. Which is why she waits until they get to Cincinnati. When she's still tired, and now three days late on top of it. She's been late before, it's not like you could set a clock by her periods or anything like that, but this is the first time she's been late since the wedding. Since she's actually had sex and apparently forgot everything she'd ever been taught about utilizing some form of consistent birth control.

She was going to take the test yesterday, because two days late seemed like it was late enough to do it, but she'd devoted the entire time trying to decide if she wanted Kevin there when she did it or not instead. So, now it's today, and she's decided she's going to do it herself. Because maybe if it's negative she won't even mention it now that they're busy on tour. When they still have over a month left and she can already feel the tension settled in his shoulder blades.

So, when Kevin asks her if she's going to come to lunch, smoothing back her hair, she tells him she's just going to rest some more, but that he should go. Get out of this bus for a little while to enjoy himself. "You sure?" he asks, looking so sweet, with that little bit of concern behind his eyes. "Because I don't have to..." and she tells him, no, and that she's fine, and if he wanted to bring her a fountain drink back, she wouldn't turn it down. That she just wants some quiet before tonight.

After he's gone, she starts digging through her suitcase and wondering where she shoved that multipack of EPT someone thought would be a hysterical gag gift at her shower. At the time it was among the worst things she had to open in front of her mother, but those few seconds of discomfort seem like the greatest blessing right now. She can't even process going out and buying these herself somewhere. How the pictures would be up on the internet before she had even finished paying for them. And asking someone to get them for her, so a random assistant or aide would know that she thinks she might be pregnant before Kevin does, that would maybe somehow be worse.

She finds the box inside a pair of her boots, tucked in deep into the foot, and goes to take a test. She's going to start with one, if she can ever actually pee. She has to be the first person on the planet who apparently _can't_ pee when she's nervous. But she turns on the sink and hums "Singing in the Rain" and it helps.

And then she has two minutes to try and figure out if she wants it to be positive or not and wishing she'd been brave enough to ask Kevin to be here for this. It feels like a really long time, like everyone always says it does, and then she's looking at the two dark lines, and she thinks that means a yes. She reads the directions again, and yup, that's exactly what that means.

There's a moment where she forgets that she's married and a grownup and she's just thinking how is she going to do this. Why they weren't more careful, because this is stupid. Smart girls don't have these things happen to them. They don't wind up pregnant when they're not in any place to be getting pregnant.

But then she remembers, Kevin's her husband. It's not like they're just dating, or that they shared a one night thing. She's not 16 and some sort of statistic or the lead in a movie they'd show in health class. It's a completely normal thing for her to be taking this test right now.

Even after she realizes these things though, she still feels kind of nervous and sick and like she's done something she wasn't supposed to. How everyone is going to be able to know for sure that she's had sex. _Her parents_ are going to know she had sex. And she's just thinking about the late show monologues and people analyzing her weight in magazines and she feels terrible that she's not just excited. That she maybe only wants to cry because it seems like it's not the right time, and that she's not strong enough for this. Not ready, not yet.

She looks down at the stick again, which is struggling to tell her this is a positive with its clear blue plus sign. Danielle makes herself take a breath and continues the process by forcing her mind to think that this is not about the tabloids or the stress or anything bad. This is about a baby. A baby that she made with Kevin, that they're going to love and watch grow up and, picturing his face when he finds out, that's what finally gets her to smile.

***

Nick keeps trying to think of a way to bring up Danielle and what happened back in St. Louis to Kevin, but it's not really going that well. And he was going to ask Joe to help, but Joe would just spill ketchup all over the table on purpose and say it looked like blood and then use that as a segue.

It's not like he thinks anything is seriously wrong with her, but what if there is, and in none of them talking about it, it's just going to get worse? Nick couldn't live with himself if he felt this way and didn't say anything and something happened to her. Plus, he's been wondering if this is the way everyone around him felt before he was diagnosed. What could have happened if they kept pushing off his attitude and skinniness as a phase. Something that wasn't a big deal.

And he doesn't want to say anything, of course he doesn't want to say anything, but when she doesn't come to lunch and Kevin says she's still feeling a little under the weather, he can't not ask, "Is she going to see a doctor any time soon?"

Kevin sighs, and takes a long sip off his drink. "I guess?"

"You guess?" Nick scoffs, and ignores the look that Joe is giving him. "Don't you think it's a good idea?"

"Leave it alone," Kevin says, sliding his menu a little forcefully out onto the table.

"Yeah, Nick, what else can we talk about?" Joe asks with a strained smile, the token middle child not dealing well with conflict.

"Kev, come on," Nick pushes, because he can't not push. It's the only way he knows to get things done. "And Joe, I know you're...." he tries to say worried too, but Kevin cuts him off.

"I said leave it alone." His voice is quieter this time, with a little more ice behind it. But then he smiles and asks, "Anyone want to split an appetizer? I'm starving."

Joe agrees to, still looking uncomfortable, even though Nick knows there's no way he's going to touch a mozzarella stick. Nick excuses himself, saying he has to check his levels, but it's really because he feels like he might puke if he sits there any longer.

***

Kevin's still at lunch, but it's only lunch. It's not like he's not going to be back soon, or that's what Danielle keeps telling herself every four seconds when the thought enters her head that maybe she should call him.

Danielle's curled around a pillow with her iPod on low, excited but still exhausted at the same time. It's sad that she honestly thinks she could fall asleep if Riley wasn't using her as her own personal jungle gym. If she wasn't picturing tiny baby hands and feet and bellies. 

She's checking the time and reaching for the phone, because seriously, she's had enough, just when he opens the door.

"You're still in bed?" Kevin asks, coming over and kissing her forehead. Looking nervous in his eyes. "I thought maybe you'd be feeling better."

"I am," she sighs, shifting so she can see him better. Smiling up at him, she says, "I took something."

"What? Tylenol?"

"No," she reaches over to the bedside table, pulling off the pregnancy test. "This." 

She's looking at him and there's a moment that he's just frozen there, and she wonders if he's feeling the same thing she felt, the fear at the pit of everything else, kind of the most overwhelming emotion. "Is...is that a pregnancy test?" She watches the apples of his cheeks flush pink.

"Yes," she says, grinning, the excitement greater than anything else now that he's here in the room with her. Outweighing the anxiety by leaps and bounds.

His smiles grows and she feels it all the way through her. Something stupid like his smile is sunshine. "And it's positive?" 

"It is."

He grins so big, and grabs at her face, kissing her like he's out of his mind. "Oh God, Nick had me convinced at lunch that you were dying."

"What?" she laughs, confused.

"It doesn't matter." He keeps kissing her, pulling her in, and there must be something she does, or doesn't do, because he asks, quietly, "Dani, are you happy?"

"I'm really happy, Kevin," she tells him, smoothing his hair down at the back of his neck, enjoying the weight of him next to her.

"Even though we didn't plan this?" 

The way he looks at her when he pulls back she feels like she could tell him anything. "Yeah, I'm happy," she nods, tears pricking behind her eyes. "I'm scared too, though. Really scared." Her voice cracks on that last part, and she doesn't want to cry about this. She tries to think about what she did in the bathroom, their love and a baby's smile, but it doesn't work so well this time.

"We can do this," Kevin tells her. "It's not going to be easy but we can do this."

She kisses him this time, and whispers I love yous. How she can only do this because she has him.

***

And that's how it goes, with one of them being terrified and one of them being optimistic, taking turns. He's the one telling her not to worry about baby bump watch and she's the one saying that it's okay for her to go the gynecologist by herself because there's no way he can fly back to L.A. with her in the middle of the tour.

Which is where she is now, halfway across the country, alone in a doctor's office. He's checking his phone constantly, thinking every noise is maybe some ringtone he's just not aware he had set up.

"She's going to call," Joe tells him. "As soon as she knows something, she'll call."

Nick pats him on the back in a way that Kevin knows is supposed to come across as comforting, but that he can't help but think is judgmental. Of course, that part's on his end more than Nick's, because when he'd mentioned earlier that he should have gone with her, Nick reminded him that they had a show.

They don't know that's she's going to confirm or deny a pregnancy test. No one knows except him and her, and he's been feeling a giddy little thrill thinking they have this secret from the whole world. It seems shocking really to have this thing that they don't have to share with everyone just yet. That can be something special for just the two of them.

And yet, Kevin's reaching into his pocket again, hoping soon they're going to get to share it with everyone. At that point, Nick makes him give him the phone and pick up a guitar, because if "you're going to be annoying, you're at least going to write a song while you're doing that".

"Waiting on the phone to ring, that's the first line, go," Nick tells him, opening his laptop.

"Sing rhymes with ring," Joe says, and Nick's telling him that he thinks the dogs might actually be capable of contributing more than he can to the writing process.

***

They wrote a piece of a frankly not all that great song when Kevin finally got the call, and left the room to take it, and hasn't come back in yet. Joe doesn't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing or maybe just a nothing thing, where he stopped to do something else before coming down to wardrobe.

He and Nick are both fully dressed and getting their makeup put on when Kevin runs in, smiling and apologizing, and slipping his boots off with his opposite foot's toes. "Sorry, sorry, I know, I'm late."

"She okay?" Nick asks, and Joe can tell he wants to hear she is both because she's his sister-in-law and because if she's fine then he can yell at Kevin about punctuality and professionalism.

"She's fine," he says, as someone helps him with his vest. "She'll be meeting us tomorrow morning."

Nick follows with, "You cut it a little close there," and Joe taps the back of his head with an open palm.

***

She kind of doesn't want to tell anyone else right away, like it's a nice secret to carry around with her for awhile. Like she can look at Kevin and know that they're the only two people in the room who are aware this baby exists. She doesn't even know if they have anything else like that, a thing that isn't talked about at briefings and by their family over dinner or on the pages of the tabloids. A private thing.

Danielle rests her left hand on her stomach during the flight, and thinks about how the doctor had told her "Congratulations, Mommy" and the _I just drank champagne too quickly_ way it made her feel all the way through. How she can't shake that feeling even now.

***

Kevin decided after they do the Today Show for the second time this summer that they're going to take both families out to breakfast, and tell them then. It makes sense, and will be simple, and they'll have a few days after to let the news soak in for everyone.

"They're going to be thinking something's up," Danielle had informed him when he shared the plan with her on the bus before they were due for a radio interview. "I know you think you're being a master of secrecy, but you're maybe actually not."

He had said with a teasing tone in his voice, "You're lucky you're so cute when you're mocking me" and she had laughed, following up with, "And that I'm carrying the heir to all of your awesome splendor."

So while Joe has his mouth full of banana nut pancakes and Frankie is almost dozing off in his plate of bacon, they stand up, and his mother blurts out, "You're pregnant!" before they can even get a chance to.

Kevin doesn't even have to look at Danielle to know that her face is telling him _I told you so._ Her laugh is indicative enough.

Joe practically tackles him, saying, "I knew you guys had been smiling way too much," and the mothers are crying and Danielle squeezes his hand once before her sisters pull her away to squeal and feel her belly.

***

Joe was so busy passing out high fives and calling Kevin a stud, and texting Demi, because this was something big enough that he didn't even feel weird contacting her, that he didn't think too much about how Nick wasn't joyously flying off the handle like he was. Not that something like that is necessarily weird for Nick, but, Kevin's going to have a _kid_. They're going to be uncles, and that deserves at least three war whoops, even if you're Nick Jonas, the oldest minor on the planet.

And Joe thought maybe he was tired or taken off guard or didn't really know what to do in that moment. Because this is a big thing, Joe gets that. And even though they have Frankie, Nick's still like the baby sometimes in a way Joe can't explain, but that he knows is legitimate. So, he figured that night Nick needed some time.

But when it's three days later, and all Nick will do is half-heartedly nod while Joe's showing him pictures on his phone of possibly every stuffed animal that FAO Schwartz stocks, Joe has had enough. "Are you unhappy about this baby?"

"I'm not unhappy about the baby," Nick responds, continuing to type on his laptop like Joe's not even there.

"You haven't even smiled about it. At all. Which I know isn't saying all that much for you, but I think it's a problem."

Nick smiles with his mouth closed like this is a photoshoot that's running long. "Better?"

"What's the matter with you?" Joe says, in a disgusted tone of voice.

Nick keeps typing away. "Nothing is the matter with me." 

"No, okay, don't tell me 'nothing', Nick, because something isn't right with you and I don't want you lying straight to my face."

"I'm done talking about it now, Joe," he says, closing the laptop and going in the bathroom and turning on the shower. When Joe tries the doorknob, it's locked.

***

By the time that Nick finally comes out, Joe's gone from the hotel room. Nick flops down on the bed, his hair still wet and dripping down his forehead. He feels like shit. And he's felt like shit since brunch the other day and he doesn't want to. He doesn't want Joe to yell at him, or to not be happy for Kevin. All he wants is to be happy for Kevin, but he doesn't know how to just turn that on. Or even how to fake it, not that it matters, since faking it somehow might be worse than his genuine display of discomfort.

He feels heavy, as if his mind is actually weighing on him, like that stupid expression. 

Nick hears the click of the door opening, and turns his head to see Joe there in his running shoes and a sweaty t-shirt. 

"You still pissed?" Nick asks him, not so much moving. 

"You still being a dick about everything? Because if so, then yes, I'm still pissed." Nick doesn't answer, just sighs and stares at the ceiling, until Joe comes and lays down on his side next to him. "You can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

And Nick fees like he's been trying to hold it together for so long, that he just can't any more. It goes back way before the baby, so far back that dealing with it just kind of feels like part of the daily routine. He takes a shuddery breath in, and can feel the tears already in the corner of his eyes, even if he doesn't want them to be there. "Everything's changing," he says, and it's so completely stupid. The crying, and the caring in the first place, and the way that he feels like a little boy way too often recently.

"Things change, Nick," Joe says, leaning into his side a little and kind of making it worse instead of better.

"Yeah, I know, but..." _not everything_ he wants to say.

"It's a lot, Nick, I get it," 

It's hard to think Joe does, because Joe's always on to the next thing, good or bad, and thinking that things are just going to work out however they're supposed to. Like he can't be bothered to dwell on anything, whether it's what already was or might have been. 

"But this is a good change."

And _The Administration_ was a good change, and doing Marius in London, and Joe moving out, and all of them becoming their own people, but it just happened so fast. _I'm not even eighteen yet_ , is a thought that frequently runs around his mind.

"You can't tell Kevin, Joe. Promise me you won't tell him," Nick says with more agitation than the situation probably warrants, but that Nick can't stop from entering his voice anyway.

"I promise," Joe says with a little laugh, like he's being ridiculous, and he is, he certainly is, but he can't stop himself.

Nick locks eyes with his brother. "Swear it."

"Nicky, I swear it, okay?" Joe affectionately ruffles his hair. "It's okay."

They lay there on the bed for a long time, long enough that someone comes looking for them, but Nick still isn't ready to get up.

***

Danielle knew that the pregnancy had the ability to turn into a PR nightmare, but she didn't know that that fact meant she'd spend days after announcing it in meetings. People she barely knows are talking about how there are angles she shouldn't stand in already because she could look like she's gained weight, and discussing whether she should go for tighter tops or loose, flowing ones. She kind of just sits there and lets them talk around her until they make her stand and continue discussing her belly and wardrobe.

"How much longer are we going to be?" she asks, and they look at her a little like she's the crazy one.

"You don't want to have to announce something because Star runs a baby bump poll," Marcia, the girl who is apparently in charge of whether she can wear belts any more or not, tells her in a way that only means, _God, don't you know **anything?**_

Danielle says, "Kevin and I will announce it when we're ready," already feeling more unsure about it as they hand her different purses to try holding on her side and in front of her.

Connie squeezes her hand a little while taking the Yves St. Laurent bag that Danielle honestly thinks is such an ugly color she'd never want to carry it. "Yes, but you might be ready _because_ of the media." Connie is possibly the only one in the whole room that Danielle doesn't hate, just for the tone in her voice, which sounds like she's sorry.

“I liked the Coach,” Danielle says instead of thank you, pointing at the bag that looks more like a beach tote than a purse. “Can we try that one again?”

“Sure, honey,” Connie says, passing it to her. “It is rather nice. I’d consider it.”

Danielle realizes she’s saying pushing up the announcement as much as she’s saying the bag, and just nods, while Marcia tries to figure out if it works for the rest of the wardrobe.

***

Joe likes the times when the papz, for whatever reason, are not so interested in them. There are stretches where they're concerned with other things, some scandal or relationship that isn't theirs, and Joe feels bad for wishing the attention on other people. That they have to have some misfortune befall them, or have a new romance tainted by too much scrutiny. He knows firsthand how being under the microscope makes it that much worse, all the little things feeling like they're so much bigger than they actually are.

But he still wishes they were talking about anyone else besides his sister-in-law.

Perez is saying she's getting fat and TMZ aired the video at least three times the week she was caught holding a bloody tissue before getting out of their car at a hotel. The rumors on that ranged from cocaine addiction to botched plastic surgery and all of them were disgusting.

They're at month four, but Danielle doesn't want to say anything, and Joe thinks it's even kind of a battle to her now, how long she can keep this baby under wraps and safe from the outside world. He feels bad about it, because most moms at least don't have to worry about that until the kid's already born. 

That night in the suite, when E! shows some comparison photos of various female celebs and has a "doctor" talk about what's possible is happening with them over the past few months, Danielle's included.

Demi's the one that goes into the bathroom with her, because she came back with them after dinner for some reason and Danielle kind of pushes to Kevin to the side when he tries to follow her, which he handles with a lot more calm than Joe would have thought possible. "She says she can sense that I feel guilty about it, and it makes it worse if she's already upset," Kevin says, trying to shrug it off, but Joe can tell that the guilt is definitely there. The responsibility is written all over his brother's face.

Nick takes a deck of card out of his bag and gets Kevin to play a game of War like they used to do during all those long trips in the van during what feels like part of another life it's been so long. Joe smiles at Nick while slapping down two cards on his queen, because he knows that this is Nick trying, as much as he can.

When the girls come out, which couldn't have been all that long after they went in as they're still in the middle of that first game, Danielle says, "Ok, so you all know, I'm fine unless one of you is going to put on 'Faithfully'," and she laughs, so they can laugh.

Danielle sits down on Kevin's lap while Demi picks up her bag and her phone. "I'll see you tomorrow," she addresses the room at large, and is almost out the door before Joe realizes he's not ready for her to go just yet.

"Dani, take my cards, I'm out," he says, ignoring the way Nick is bitching because it's going to mess up the whole order of play. 

He yells, "Dem, hey, DEM!" after her in the hallway, and he's still not used to seeing the back of her head look this way, even after all of this time on tour. The highlights are still too different and not enough Demi. "You got a sec?"

"It's late, and I have to..."

"A sec, come on, Dem, that's all I asked for."

"Alright," she sighs. "You've got a sec, what are you going to do with it?"

"I don't like what's been going on with Danielle recently."

"This might be a surprising newsflash, Joe, but I don't either."

He has no idea why he's going to ask her to do this, because it's the whole reason she barely wants to talk to him, but he feels like he has to. "Would you be interested in running a diversion for the media?"

She laughs, but it's this kind of dark and somewhat ugly thing. "What was it a diversion for the last time, Joe?" 

"Don't say that, it's not like that," and it isn't. Wasn't. He just feels so confused inside about all of it because how things got this way with his best friend, he can't even understand. "I didn't...I don't mean to hurt you."

"You're just so effortlessly talented at it some times anyway." She sounds old when she says it. In a way that suggests she's tired of him. 

He's sorry almost every day that he took a chance with her because he knew all along that he wasn't going to be able to make it work. That he's not ready for something as big as what he should have with her. And at least before, it was easier to feel like they'd get there sooner or later. That it was a possibility and not something they tried and failed at.

"I've got to go," Demi tells him, like his time is up.

"Dem, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she shrugs, and brushes at his hand, and then turns back down the hallway.

But the next night, on stage, she kisses his cheek after "You're My Favorite Song" and interlocks their fingers on the way out of the venue. The flashbulbs feel like they never stop going off, and he's so grateful, beyond grateful even, but it somehow makes him feel worse at the same time.

***

Nick can't help but get the sense that he's walking on egg shells with everyone in his life, especially since the mini-breakdown he had in the hotel room with Joe a few weeks back. He doesn't want Kevin to notice that anything's up, or his parents for that matter, and he can feel Joe watching him kind of out of the corner of his eye practically all the time.

And it's not that Joe's keeping tabs on him, or not paying attention, because both of those things are totally normal. Joe is usually distracted the whole time on tour, especially by this point in the middle where he sometimes has to ask Nick before they go out on stage where exactly they are because he's not sure if it's Saturday or Sunday, or if they were talking about Denver because they already played it or were getting ready to. But it's the way he's all over the place this time because it's like his heart's not really in it, not like he's throwing himself into it so hard he kind of resembles Animal from _The Muppets_ on meth. That's what's weird.

Nick's well aware that Demi and Joe had planned out extensively what this tour would look like while they were still dating and that now they're struggling just to put on a good show for the fans. It's awkward, and he knows Demi's still hurt about it and that Joe's sorry, and there's Nick, somewhere in the middle of the two of them. Neither is asking him to choose a side, and in fact, their relationship is basically a taboo thing that no one mentions outside of when they're directly asked in interviews. Which is why Nick can't even ask what's the deal with what happened in Tampa, the kiss, and the holding hands, and how it's happened a few times since then, but never in quiet. Never in the situations that used to be the only ones they happened during.

So yeah, Demi's part of his whole tread lightly routine as of late too. Everyone is, the whole caravan of them, and it's strange but Nick's actually longing for a break. When he can go home and just sit in his room and write and not have to smile and make conversation and work to make sure no one knows he's having one of those stupid funks that always cause his mother want to check his blood more than should ever be necessary.

Which is why sitting in this dressing room that feels tiny even though Nick knows it's huge with everyone is making him just want to crawl right out of his skin. He doesn't want to look at Danielle drinking her ginger ale because it's the only thing that doesn't make her sick lately, or Joe doing push-ups with Garbo in the corner, but if he closes his eyes he'll still be able to hear them all. Talking and laughing and breathing. Yes, he realizes, he's even at the point that he doesn't want to hear anyone breathing. It has gotten that intense.

Unfairly, of course, then that Demi's sitting down next to him on the sofa, and leaning in close, so he has no choice but to listen to her lungs working, the air pushing out from her mouth, as she says, "You're looking wound tighter than usual. Even for you."

"I'm fine," he replies, the automatic response that works on almost everyone but those people closest to him.

Meaning it's not working on Demi, and she plods on, almost ignoring his comment. "We've got less than a month left, and ending in Mexico, you know that's going to be awesome. Going international always feels amazing."

"What's been going on with you and Joe?" Nick interrupts her spiel with, as though it's appropriate and not completely out of left field.

She blushes a little and looks away, telling him, "It's nothing. None of it means...it's nothing, Nick, really, it's nothing." 

Demi looks as uncomfortable now as he feels on the inside, and he doesn't want to make her feel worse, but he doesn't know how to ask what he wants to ask in a way that isn't hurtful. "Why are you doing all of that stuff for everyone else?" is the best he can come up with, and even with that, he just substituted the press with everyone else. Well, and cut out the part that he's pretty sure the in front of the camera antics was the thing that Joe didn't know how to deal with when they were together.

She doesn't seem that bad though when she asks him to clarify. "You mean why not here, or at the hotel at night or on the bus?"

"Yeah."

Because Joe only wants us to be deflecting some of the attention from Danielle." Nick notices her watching Joe stretch out his arms, pulling one across his chest and then the other, and doesn't know how to respond. "Sometimes you've just got roll with the punches, Nicky J." She hasn't called him that in forever, in fact, he doesn't know if she ever did, or it was more something Selena used to.

"What do you want, Dem? Like if you could pick it, what would you pick?"

She shakes her head a little, like he's a silly little boy, and it's weirdly nice to not feel like the oldest teenager in the room. "We don't get to pick. The whole point is how you try to make what you already have available to you into what you want anyway."

"Meaning?"

"It's nice to hold Joe's hand still, even if it doesn't mean he's my boyfriend."

"Or even if it makes you sad?"

"Yeah, weirdly, even then." 

Joe catches them staring at him, and scrunches his face up, mouthing "Am I really sweaty?" Demi laughs and shakes her head, and the way her face looks, Nick knows Demi wants more than 'nice' deep down. Wants to not just have to find a way to be okay with the hand she's been dealt.

Nick gets it, so much, but at least Demi's trying. He figures he can try too.

***

Danielle's known about the scheme Demi and Joe are expertly running to the outside world almost from the beginning, because of the way they drift apart whenever the public eyes are gone. Joe like he's almost scared he's going to do something to her if he doesn't distance himself and Demi like she needs the space to stop her from feeling too much. Doing something that wouldn't be part of their agreement.

Which is why she laughs when Kevin says to her, "Isn't it nice that Demi and Joe are reconnecting?" while they're getting ready for bed one night.

Putting on her moisturizer, she says, "Sweetie, you can't honestly be serious," but she can read on his face that he is.

"What? They've been spending time together again, and there was that picture in OK!"

"What hasn't been in OK! Or People or US Weekly or any of them?" Danielle prods.

"I don't know, stuff about the war? I'm not reading those, I have no idea." 

She laughs again and kisses his mouth that tastes like toothpaste. "They haven't run a picture of us since Tampa, have you noticed that?"

"I've noticed you're happier."

"Well, maybe we should take the two of them out to dinner is all I'm going to say."

Kevin stares at her incredulously. "You can't think they're doing this as a PR scam."

"I don't," she says, smoothing her eyebrows back into place, "I know. Think about it."

She leaves him there in the bathroom, laying down on the bed and rolling up her tank top to look at the bump she knows they're not going to be able to keep a secret much longer, even if Joe decides to fake propose to Demi.

"I can't believe my brother could actually be smart enough to pull something like that off."

"He's got a bright girl helping him out," she says, as Kevin moves to straddle her thighs, opening up the bottle of cocoa butter that Danielle's been placing on the nightstand every time they unpack in a new city. She shivers as he squirts some of the stuff directly above her belly button.

"We're going to have to make a statement soon," Danielle says, as he rubs the lotion in small circles all around her belly.

"Yeah, soon," Kevin assures her, like it's still some far off time they don't need to worry about right now.

"Marcia's been giving me looks. And like, worse looks than she used to."

"I didn't know that was possible for her," Kevin says, kissing her forehead while still keeping his hands on her stomach. He lowers his voice to tell her, "I don't want to talk about Marcia. I just want to tell you how beautiful you are and how I'm so lucky to be doing this with you."

She gets choked up then, she can't help it at this point. "I love you so much, Kevin. I'm thankful every day you're the one in this with me."

"That's two of us."

He kisses her and pulls her close, and Danielle feels like she doesn't have to worry about anything for a little while.

***

On the exact day Danielle hits five months, they have a big sit down meeting, as a family and as a band, as their dad goes over with everyone how the announcement is going to be handled, and what the rest of them should feel comfortable saying before and after that. They're trying to decide between doing it through _People_ or with Seacrest when Joe pulls out his phone to text Demi. _Our spy skills are being retired._

 _but we were getting so good at espionage :(_ , she texts back. _Daniel Craig would be impressed._

 _Let's get room service tonight_ , he sends her, without even thinking, because he wants to. Being with her for the mission at hand only made him more aware of how much he missed her. Of how fucked everything's been since May.

She wants to know, _As secret agents?_ and he tells her, _well more as friends, but of course as secret agents. were always secret agents._

 _I'll wear my disguise._ Joe spends the rest of the meeting thinking about what that could mean, and totally has no idea when it's over what media outlet gets to cover the story.


	2. Chapter 2

Right before Thanksgiving, Danielle's doctor wants to run the first ultrasound for them, and Kevin could not be more excited. 

He's the only man in the waiting room when they get there, and Danielle is by far the earliest along in her pregnancy. Kevin is actually happy he's so jacked up on anticipation for this because it means he doesn't really have to focus on the fact that the woman four seats away from him looks like she could possibly deliver three babies right there by the pamphlet rack.

"Do you think we'll know what the sex of the baby is going to be today?" He asks her as she fills out the six pages of paperwork they gave her.

"Do you want to know?" she asks, checking off heartburn and leg cramps from a long list of horrible things that can possibly happen while you're growing a human being inside of you. "I don't know if I want to know."

"No? I thought you'd want to decorate and buy all the clothes and pick names."

"You're the one who wants to buy the clothes."

"Ok, fair, but still, you're really not sure?"

"I thought for sure I'd want to know, but then all these women I've spoken with say that's what gets them through the end when it gets tough, the surprise of it." She puts the clipboard down and puts her hand on his knee. "Can you imagine hearing them say what it is when it gets here? Knowing it's a boy or a girl, and then immediately getting to hold it and have it here?"

"You're going to end up with all yellow and green, I'm telling you," he jokes, but he can see the point, where the first time he meets this baby as his son or daughter is when it’s arrived for real.

"If you want to know, Kevin, I won't stop you. You just have to promise not to tell me."

"Nah, we'll do this together. It'll be a surprise. The best kind." She squeezes his knee just once before finishing the insurance information.

Back in the exam room, Kevin hears his baby's heartbeat for the first time, the quick, strong pace of it, and doesn't care at all what's growing inside of her as long as it keeps catching him off guard with how much you can love someone that you barely know.

There on the screen is this black and white shadow that looks vaguely like a person, but more like a picture of potential.

Danielle has tears on her cheeks, and he feels his own eyes getting misted over, and he tightens his fingers in hers.

“There they are,” he tells her. “Our little boy or girl.”

“Mommy and Daddy can’t wait to meet you,” she says to the screen, where he can now make out the profile of his child’s face. He squeezes her hand even more tightly.

***

Danielle was really hoping to make a nice meal for their anniversary, their first anniversary. She'd been thinking about it since they got married in the first place. That she'd make a lasagna and they could eat the top of their wedding cake and she would wear something really cute to bed. Unfortunately, now she's anything but cute. She just feels huge. And she knows she's not even that big and that she's only going to get bigger, but it sucks.

And her legs were killing her the night before so she couldn't sleep, and at the supermarket, three different people came up and just touched her stomach as though that was an appropriate thing to do. She forgot the ricotta cheese, and there's no way you can replace something for ricotta cheese, but she can't fathom going back to the store where people are going to invade her personal space and semi-rape her in a way that is apparently acceptable in public.

When Kevin comes home from the studio, she's still trying to marinate these two chicken breasts instead and it's ruined, everything is just ruined.

She tries not to cry, because she knows Kevin hates it and that it's not so much real as it's her hormones just flooding every piece of her body, but she can't help it this time. "We don't have dinner. I'm a terrible wife, and I'm sorry, and our anniversary is going to be memorable for all the wrong reasons instead of nice ones."

"Come here," he says, pulling her in for a hug, somehow already knowing how to angle himself so he can still wrap his arms around her in spite of her belly.

"I'm getting chicken juice on your shirt," she whimpers into his chest.

"It's okay, I don't even like this shirt." He pets her back a little, and she breathes in the way he smells, and he's so good to her it makes her feel almost worse. "Go take a shower. I'll work on dinner."

"But...,"

"No, go. Seeing you all pretty and clean and relaxed is all I want for my anniversary."

She manages to suppress saying that she'll never be pretty again at this rate and cries it all out in the bathroom, getting her face severely blotchy but she doesn't even care anymore. It's just one more thing. Danielle looks at the stretch marks she's starting to get on her sides, which aren't that dark, but still pretty noticeable. She's rubbing at the skin, when the baby flutters in her stomach, sommersaulting into a new position inside of her. She's felt it before, but not as clearly as this. Not like it's a message to pay attention to what's really important.

Under the spray of the water, she starts to feel better. Assured that tonight will someday be a funny story instead of an embarrassment. And when Kevin comes in to join her, kissing her shoulderblade, and telling her she's always beautiful to him, especially now, all of it's okay.

Kevin ordered a pizza, and bought her a chain to wear her wedding ring on because even her hands are getting fatter, but it's so sweet she doesn't even think about her monster fingers.

That night in bed, wearing nothing but the chain, she does actually feel gorgeous, like she used to.

***

Joe had expected when he first broke up with Demi that the tour would be the thing that really got them back to normal. And when it hadn't worked out like that right from the get go, he'll admit that he was even more confused inside about whether ending the relationship was the right thing to do.

It only got worse when they started the diversion scheme because it split his life into something real where Demi was still hurt by him and something fake where things were the way they used to be. He knew Demi needed time. _He_ still needed time and he was the one who made the decision in the first place, but it still didn't stop him from wanting it all just to be good again. To not have this awkward guarded energy in the room with them always.

So Joe does make her go to dinners with him. And calls her when there's something that makes him think of her, because it's what he would have done in the past. He buys her a pair of _Grey's Anatomy_ scrubs for Christmas, which he thinks is about the most unromantic gift you could get someone.

But it all helps, because things do start feeling natural, like they used to. It's not perfect, she still doesn't talk to him for days after he was photographed dancing with a girl at an event, and there are still times that he can read on her face that she's wishing in that moment that things were different.

There’s not much else he can do though, but wait it out, and carry the blame, because it’s all his fault, and he knows that.

***

The first time Kevin feels the baby move, it's nothing like Danielle said it felt. Unless similar to bubbles somehow means like the greatest thing he's ever experienced.

He was laying in bed with her, kind of asleep but with his hand still resting on her side as she read the _Sex and the City_ prequel her sister loaned her. And suddenly there's some part changing position right under his fingers, and he's wide awake.

"He moved!" Kevin exclaims, because this is a week where he's sure they're having a boy, repositioning so he can get both hands on her at the same time. "Did you feel that? He was moving."

She smiles and says, "I told you, he's been wiggling around."

"Make him do it again!" Kevin tells her, getting close to her stomach like he's going to be able to peer inside and see what's going on.

"He doesn't just listen to me. I can't make him do it."

"What kind of mother are you going to be if you can't even get your in utero baby to obey you?"

"Clearly a terrible one, we should probably just put protective services on speed dial.” She rolls her eyes a little. “Just wait, he'll move again, he doesn't stay with his head down for long."

She's right, because he feels this shift under his left hand, something that's maybe a hand or a foot, pushing out.

"This is incredible," he says, so quietly, like he's going to disturb what's happening inside of her. He feels like he could cry, honestly, and Danielle runs her own hand through his hair, as he stares at her belly like it contains all the answers to every question he's ever had.

***

Nick decides that one thing he can do for this baby, and kind of for himself to become okay with this idea of the baby, is to put together a music library that the kid should be listening to before he even enters the world. And Nick knows babies are supposed to listen to things like nursery rhymes and lullabies and their mothers' humming, but he thinks it's never too early for anything. He puts jazz and rock and pop and even one or two punk songs that he's sure Demi sent to him at some point, but that aren't actually all that terrible, into playlists and gives them names like "Preparing You to be a Citizen" and "I Hope You Never Feel a Broken Heart". He uploads them on Kevin's phone and makes him play them to Danielle's stomach for as long as she'll sit and let that go on for.

Kevin tells him the baby moves a lot when there's a lot of percussion, which has Nick convinced this kid's going to be a drummer, and Danielle asking if he can find something with less of a heavy beat because her insides don't need to feel like Rocky Balboa is gestating inside of her.

He tells her that sometimes mothers have to suffer for their children's art, but she doesn't laugh anywhere near as much as Kevin does.

***

"Demi and I want to paint the baby's room," Joe tells Kevin over coffee one morning because he's already decided it's a reality regardless of how Kevin feels about it. Demi had mentioned it the other day, asking what Danielle was thinking of doing for the nursery, and Joe knew this was something he wanted to do.

Kevin stirs some more half and half into his drink. "I think actually that we'll be hiring someone to do that."

"Come on, you saw that painting Dem and I did. That's ART!"

"I don't want my kid sleeping in a room that you consider to be art," Kevin says, in a tone that's too exasperated for a guy who hasn't even had said kid yet.

"Please," he scoffs. "My niece or nephew is going to grow up gifted." He leans back in his chair. "Like their Uncle Joe."

"How many more of my worst nightmares would you like to try and make come true during this conversation?" Joe knows that he's joking, but there's still a little bit of harshness in Kevin's voice. Danielle hasn't been sleeping well and Joe knows his brother is the kind of guy who will stay up with her even if they have a whole day of filming to get done starting at 6 am.

"It wouldn't replace an actual gift, seriously, Kev, let us do it. If it sucks, you can hire someone to paint over it then. Please?"

"If Danielle says it's okay," Kevin says, and that's the best that Joe's going to get. "And I'm holding you to the we can repaint thing."

"You won't have to, Kev, it's going to be awesome, I promise."

And you _and_ Demi?"

"Don't ask about it," Joe warns.

"I'm just saying, you've been spending a lot of time together..."

"Don't," Joe says again. "Or I'm putting dinosaurs and spaceships and a motorcycle gang on the walls." He sips from his coffee like he's thinking. "And a scary clown on the ceiling. Definitely at least one scary clown."

"All clowns are scary," Kevin says.

"Yeah, but this one will be exceptionally so.” Joe tells him. “With like vampire teeth and claw hands.”

“You’re an absolute maniac, I can’t believe Demi would even want to spend any time doing this with you anyway.”

“That’s better,” Joe assures him.

***

If it's a boy, Kevin has already requested that his name get carried on, but if it's a girl, Danielle is actually growing concerned the poor thing is going to be going to Kindergarten still being referred to as Baby Girl Jonas.

"I really still like the name Aurora if she's a she," Danielle says, flipping through one of the six baby name books she now has. It's getting to the point where she can't leave the house without coming home with one of these.

"Where did this Aurora idea come from?" Kevin asks. "You're like a woman obsessed."

"It's the princess in _Sleeping Beauty_! Kevin, come on, please tell me this isn't news to you."

"I can't say I've watched it all that much. How would you like to be called Aurora? Huh? Does that seem like a name you'd like to take on the playground with you?" he coos at her stomach, and the baby doesn't respond at all. "She's not moving because she hates it or because she's actually a boy."

"She's a fetus, Kevin, she doesn't know how to hate anything."

"It's going to be a boy, Dani, I'm like 99% sure. Look how your belly is." 

"Believe me, I know how my belly is." She's carrying low and out front which her grandmother keeps telling her means it's a boy, but Danielle's not so sure. She's split half the time behind either option.

"Aurora Jonas," like he's testing it out in his mouth and in the air. "It's okay, I guess," Kevin says, but she can tell he doesn't love it.

He's going to have to watch that movie at least once though, regardless.

***

Nick isn't sure how he got roped into the whole baby naming thing, but it's frankly terrible. Nick can name vehicles and guitars, but he has no interest at all in naming a member of his family. Especially if all the good boy names are off the ballot because Kevin wants to carry on the Paul Jonas legacy.

"What about Julia?" he says, because he's driving past a billboard of some new movie Julia Roberts is doing.

"Danielle doesn't want to do a J."

"Then talk to Danielle about this, I called because I want to know what you're wearing to this dinner tonight. What are you wearing, Kevin?"

"I think the Armani I bought the other day with the green tie. Do you like Angie? What about Angela Jonas?"

"I'll see you tonight," Nick tells him, still not any more sure about what he wants to wear himself. He adds in, "Don't bring the book of baby names," because sadly, that's a possibility.

***

"Thank you for helping me do this," Joe says, as they put the finishing touches on the base coat.

"I wasn't doing anything else," she laughs, and wipes some paint off the light switch. "For like a year. Seriously, how is this taking so long?"

"Kevin and Danielle's kid apparently needs its own apartment, that's why." He stares at how unsmooth the paint looks on the other side of the room. "Also, we're apparently kind of terrible at it."

"It's the first layer! We'll fix this, and it'll be fine. I promise we're going to make things awesome for this baby."

"No, this needs to be awesome for my sister-in-law! Making something awesome for a baby is easy, I could have pulled that off myself."

"I don't know, you're right, _you_ are pretty horrible at this."

He's going to deny it, but looking at her walls versus his, yeah, she has a point. "Yeah, just keep working, you're my slave labor for the day."

"Do slaves get Mexican food at the end of their shift?"

"We can negotiate, once your work here is through."

She laughs again and goes back to her brush. Joe notices she's got some paint on her forehead, and he wants to wipe it off, but he doesn't know if that's allowed.

Apparently it would have been fine though, because she makes him sit down just a few minutes later to get paint drips out of his hair. He forces himself the whole time not to think about the way he feels every time her fingers touch him.

***

Kevin's been hesitant about this whole Joe doing the baby's room since the get go. And definitely after the threat of it being something out of a freak show nightmare.

Demi and Joe have been keeping the door closed, but he's seen a lot of cans of paint and brushes and rollers making their way through. A disconcerting number to be honest, over an uncomfortably long amount of time.

But then, one Sunday after church, Joe tells him it's ready. He and Demi stand outside, and Kevin's expecting some giant spiel from his brother about how this is the second greatest art achievement after the Sistine Chapel, and how one day he'll have to charge admission because this room belongs in a museum, but Joe just says, "I hope you like it. We worked really hard."

Inside, it's nothing like Kevin would have expected.

"Oh God, it's _gorgeous_!" Danielle exclaims, touching the chocolate brown colored curtains. "It looks like the one on the registry!"

"Thank Dem for that," Joe says. "You really like it?"

Kevin takes in the pale yellow of the walls, and wallpaper runner of bears that have each apparently had a pair of sunglasses painted on to them, but mostly the look on Danielle's face. "It's perfect, thank you two so much."

"We're not done," Demi tells them, while pulling an envelope out of her bag. "Open this."

There's a print out of the changing table Danielle wants inside. "We couldn't figure out how to sneak it in here," Joe says, "but I told you this paint job wouldn't be the only gift."

"You didn't have to do this, any of this," Danielle tells them, hugging them both at the same time. "I love you, each of you. My God, thank you. So much."

"Yes, thank you," Kevin says. "You went above and beyond."

"For my brother? No such thing," Joe tells him, and Kevin knows his kid is going to be lucky to have so many good people in its life.

***

Dina's the one who planned the shower and it's everything Danielle could have asked for. She got a diaper cake, and a homemade blanket from Kevin's grandmother, and apparently it takes almost 15 squares of toilet paper to make it around her stomach. Who knew?

So, it was lovely, other than the fact that she started having contractions before they served the dessert.

That part was less than delightful and not in her plans.

***

Kevin was out golfing with his Dad and Nick when his mother called him and told him not to worry, but that Danielle was going to the hospital. He somehow managed to not scream at her about how worrying is kind of the only appropriate response in this situation.

It's eight weeks early, and he's supposed to be leaving for a limited tour of Europe in four days, and this is not supposed to be happening now kind of sums it up more succinctly.

Dad insists on driving, and Kevin lets him because he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it right now, especially without speeding. They're not far at all from the hospital, but Kevin feels like it's taking his natural born life to get there. He leaps out of the car immediately as they pull into the parking lot, so fast that he's not entirely sure if his dad had fully stopped the vehicle before he did. "We'll park," Nick tells him through the window, as if Kevin was going to try to find a spot in the garage with them.

She's on the obstetrics floor they tell him in the emergency room, up on the 4th floor, and he races there, heart already going too fast before he started running for the elevator.

"Hi," she says, when he walks in the room, and her voice is a little strained. His and her mother both say they're going to get some coffee at the same time.

He walks closer to where she's lying in the bed. "Hey, what's going on? You okay?" He realizes that's kind of stupid as soon as he says it because you're not okay if you're in a hospital room.

"I think so. I started having some contractions, and they have me on an IV to stop that." She holds up her arm that has the needle going into it. "I think this actually hurts more than the labor."

Kevin kisses her forehead and strokes the hand that isn't attached to any medication. "So the baby's not coming?"

"Hopefully not, but they said there's no way I can fly now. And that I'm most likely going to end up on bed rest."

He remembers for the first time since he got to the hospital about the tour. "That's okay, look, we're not going to worry about that right now."

"So, we're going to just worry about me right now?"

"Yeah, that sounds good, I was already doing that part anyway."

"Overachiever," she says, as he climbs in the bed next to her.

***

Nick's been in a lot of hospitals in his life, but he still doesn't like them. Not that the thinks there are many people who enjoy them either, but he's definitely more in the uncomfortable category.

"Do you want me to drop you off at home before I go in?" his dad asks. "I can, I'm sure your mother has it under control in there."

"Nah, that's okay."

"Call your brothers again, then," Dad tells him, which is nice because it gives him something to do. "I swear, Joseph has that phone attached to his hand except when he actually should be answering it."

"I know he was taking Frankie to the movies, I'll try him again."

Joe doesn't answer, but in the meantime they make it into the hospital, where his mother is waiting to hug him and ruffle his hair and assure him that, "Everything is going to be just fine".

He’s not a kid any more, but it still makes him feel better.

***

Kevin had kind of been looking forward to taking Dani home and relaxing the insanity of today off, but his father tells him they're going to have to have a meeting about this as soon as possible. If tickets need to be refunded or dates changed, they have to get the process started immediately.

"So, what do you want to do, son?" his dad asks him, while they're all sitting in the kitchen. And Kevin knows what he wants to do. He wants to stay because this is the stuff that's important. Danielle and the baby and making sure they're okay. That is what's supposed to be priority one. But he knows that there are other things he's supposed to do.

"We'll be fine," Danielle tells him, squeezing his hand. "It's only a few weeks and you'll be back before the baby's due."

He has no idea how she's so calm about this, other than he's thinking she's been preparing herself all along for something like this. For the possibility that he's not going to be able to be there when she really needs him the most. That part makes him feel more sick in the pit of his stomach than anything else.

"Well, being back before the baby's due is not necessarily saying the same thing as back before the baby comes," Kevin adds, but it's almost like no one is really listening.

"Does that mean we're going ahead?" his dad asks at the same time that his mother's saying, "She's going to be taken care of, don't worry, this baby's staying inside as long as it's supposed to."

He's ignoring them both, looking just at his wife. "You're sure you're going to be okay with this?"

"I'm going to be okay with this, I have to be, and don't look at me with that guilty face. This is our life, and nothing is perfect." Even after all these years, Kevin's still sometimes shocked at how strong she is underneath it all. How much of a good mom she's going to be whenever this baby graces them with its presence.

"We're going on tour," Kevin says, and Joe claps him on the shoulder.

Nick's weirdly the one who says, "Kev, you know you don't have to do this."

"He does," Danielle says. "He'll just be staring at me all day otherwise." She turns to look at Kevin. "Go and have fun, and the baby and I will be here, waiting for you, when you get back. You have nothing to worry about."

Kevin says, "You're right," rather than listing off all the things he's concerned could go wrong.

***

Danielle spent a lot of time before Kevin proposed to her thinking about what it would be like if he actually did. And then what their life would become once they got married. And she decided that, yes, she did love Kevin more than having him come home at 6 pm every day and privacy about her life and the ability to know what the next day even was going to bring for her.

And because she decided, and took his ring and said yes, she has to be okay with these things, even if it's just on the outside. She doesn't think of it so much as dishonesty, because it's really not. She knows Kevin knows she'd rather he be home with her than off in the UK. It's just a sacrifice they have to make, because if you're living the dream, there are always sacrifices. That's the part they don't talk about that often in interviews.

He Skypes every night with her that he's in Europe, and well, her belly.

"Do you think this radiation is bad for the baby?" he asks her when he's in Portugal and half way through their travel itinerary.

"Isn't it a little late to be worrying about that?"

"Alright, fair enough. Roll your shirt up."

"You don't like my ensemble" she says, moving her hands up and down like she's Vanna White. "I picked it out just for you."

"You've been wearing that shirt for three days now and I know your sister bought it at 7-11."

He's right, Katie saw it at the 7-11, where they apparently sell men's triple XL undershirts next to Slim Jims. But it's so comfortable she doesn't care that it's become one of the only things she can tolerate wearing at this point. "How was the show today?"

"Amazing. The fans here are so different than back home."

"I wish I could see them with you."

"Next time, we'll be back." He waves at the camera, as though the baby will be able to see it. "Hi, baby, it's Daddy. How are you doing today?"

"She's staying inside, kicking like crazy."

"Good, that's what she's supposed to be doing. Daddy'll be home soon, don't think about making your arrival until I get back. You're grounded."

Danielle laughs and runs her hand over the spot that you can see both of the baby's feet poking out of her side.

"I hope she listens to you, this'll be the first test of your discipline skills."

"Yeah, you know you're going to have to be the heavy, Dani. I don't have it in me."

"I'm not surprised." It's quiet for a second, as she tries to get comfortable and hold back about how she's the one who's really grounded and stuck here in bed while her mother hovers around. "What time is your flight?"

She'll claim pregnancy brain if he tells her she's been told that before, she just wants to hear him say when he'll be back. "4:15 pm on April 12th. A Tuesday."

"Good, that's what I thought."

He wants to play a new song they've been working on for the baby and then he's got to go to bed so they can be in Spain by the right time tomorrow. She blows kisses at the screen and smiles really wide while saying she misses him. Only after they've disconnected does she let herself cry a little. She's not as strong as she wants to be. As she needs him to think she is.

center>***

"How are you doing with this whole being away thing?" Nick asks him while they're waiting for the plane to take off to Paris. They've got Paris and Berlin and Amsterdam and then they're heading back stateside, but it still feels like a really long time away. 

"It's hard, don't get me wrong, but it's not as hard as I thought it would be." Kevin shrugs. "We're busy. The exhaustion helps."

"Are you sleeping?" Nick asks him, because it's possible he's not. He's as chipper and polite as ever, but you never know.

Kevin smiles. "Passing out like a baby."

"They only sleep for a few hours at a time," Joe comes over, handing them each a can of Diet Coke. "I don't know if that's such a great comparison. Maybe you're not ready to be a dad."

"Good thing we got a few more weeks," Kevin says, and Nick crosses his fingers even though it's a stupid superstitious thing he hasn't done since he was a kid.

"She's been good?"

"She had some contractions the other day while she was out for a walk, but they went away after she rested."

"I thought that was the whole point of being on bed rest, like, not walking," Joe says, toying with the pop tab on his drink.

Nick says, "She's been in bed since March, she's got to move some time," because he really couldn't imagine it, just laying in one spot for all that time.

"And she's fine. No more walks, I made her promise."

Three more cities, that's all they've got to do, and Nick hopes she can keep true to her word for that long.

***

Joe knows Kevin's the happiest to land in Dallas, but he himself might be a very close second. He talked to Demi a lot this tour, weirdly, while she was back in California filming _Sonny_. More than he's ever spoken to her on a tour she wasn't actually on with him. Maybe even more than during the last one they did together if he's thinking about it.

Things are feeling more like they should be, like they used to, and not like he needs to watch himself every second. He's not so concerned with breaking her heart with every move, which is nice, he's not going to lie.

But there's still something there, something that makes her pull back like she's unsure of what his intentions are.

He knows it's because there's honesty lacking. That he still hasn't found the confidence to tell her he was scared, that's why they took so long to start and were so quick to fizzle out. Because he was going to screw it up, that's a given, and he preferred to do it on purpose. To hurt her because it was a choice and not an accident.

It'll almost be a year, and he still doesn't know how to tell her, because he knows it's going to make her mad all over again. That she's probably going to tell him that he doesn't get to decide what's best for her and that he needs to grow up and stop being so fucking afraid of everything.

But he is, and that's why he tells her he's jet lagged, he'll see her tomorrow, or the next day, even though he wishes she was right there in the airport waiting. That he could scoop her up in his arms and kiss her without anyone taking a picture.

***

Kevin gets to spend a week at home before he has to decide whether he's going to the ACM Awards in Vegas.

"You were invited to participate, and it's not far," Danielle says to him, from where she's set up camp in bed. Even in the bathroom he can hear her flipping through a magazine with the kind of ferocity that's more telling than the words she's saying.

"But I just got back from being away," he says as he walks into the bedroom, drying his hands on a bath towel he's probably just going to have to take back in there to hang up so she doesn't get mad. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, not at all, of course not, but I just think it's a good opportunity. It's a different market and one you want to break into."

"We'll talk about it later. I just want to get into bed with you."

She stretches almost like a cat, arms and back moving every which way. "Massage first, before sleep. I had a hard day."

He's going to snark at her about whether watching a marathon of _Full House_ really counts as a hard day, but he realizes it will probably get him murdered. Especially if he does just leave the towel here on the floor.

He rubs her shoulders and the back of her neck and it makes her moan in a way that used to have nothing to do with these parts of her body. "Who's going to do this for you if I'm in Vegas?"

"You're right, don't go. Stay here with me in bed forever."

"Yeah, let's do that," he tells her, quietly, working his hands lower, and she sighs. "That's what I want."

***

Danielle's been trying to journal every day, at first because she thought it was something nice she could do for the baby when they grow up, and for herself too, to remember it all, but then it became something she could kill some time with when staring at the walls became unbearable.

She feels trapped. In her body and in her house, and she knows there was a time where if someone had asked her if she'd want to be waited on and spend a month in bed, it would have sounded like perfection. But it gets boring. Really boring.

So she journals. And tries not to worry about everything that could go wrong. Promises that she's actually going to watch those YouTube videos to teach herself how to crochet so she can make some baby booties.

Every night she checks the day off on the calendar and counts how many they have left.

***

Somehow, even though they both want him to stay, Kevin's packing for Vegas.

"It's only two hours to Dallas from there," Danielle reminds him, or herself, he can't really tell.

"And you'll call me as soon as anything happens if it does."

She assures him, "I will call you," but her doctor is starting to think that after all the early scares that she's actually now going to go past term. Looking at her though, she kind of looks like she's going to burst open like peach, so Kevin's not sure he can trust a medical professional who clearly has no idea what he's talking about. "This baby is not showing up without its daddy there for me to yell at."

He watches her bundle his socks up on the vast plane of her stomach. "I love you, Danielle. I really do."

"I love you too, Kevin," she says matter of factly, smoothing the shirts in his suitcase, and not looking at him at all. He can see the tears in her eyes anyway.

***

They land in Vegas and are immediately taken to the hotel to dress for the red carpet.

Kevin keeps asking them if their cell phones are on, and charged, and Nick gets it, but it's not like his phone is going to stop being with him while they're riding in the limo. "Yeah, I've got my cell phone on, Kev, we're all good. Stop asking."

"You'll get it one day, Nick," he says, fidgeting.

"Ugh, don't pull the 'I'm the big brother card' on top of it," Joe says. "We know, you're so much more advanced than us lowly children."

Kevin glares at them both until Dad tells them they have to start pulling it together because they're going to be in front of the cameras in less than an hour.

Nick wants to say, "I'm not the one who needs to be doing anything," but he knows that will only keep this argument going. Who's the kid now, Kevin?


	3. Chapter 3

Danielle was sure she'd done a full inspection of the cabinets before Kevin left to see if she had everything she could need, but she missed pretzels. Or, it's possible there were pretzels a few days ago, but there are definitely none now, and all she wants is a pretzel because it's the only kind of food she can think about that's not making her instantly want to throw up.

"Do you want me to go and get the pretzels?" her mother asks, and Danielle is a little scared of being left alone, but more scared of trying to eat what they have here in the house. "I will go if you tell me to go."

"I want the pretzels," she says, sipping the chamomile tea that her mother had made for her but she didn’t really want when she said her stomach was as bad today as it was at the point of the tour that was the height of her morning sickness.

Picking up her purse, she says, "Call, if you need me."

"I neeeeeed pretzels," she groans, and if there's a positive to Kevin being gone, it's that she can just be a whiny brat to her mother. "I will pay your speeding ticket, I just want the pretzels as quickly as possible."

Her mother kisses her head. "I can't wait until someone is making you do this for them."

Danielle faux-laughs and rubs the lowest part of her back that's been _destroying_ her life since 4 in the morning. "You're so funny. Go, please. Just go, and come back, I can't even look at you right now."

"You'll feel better soon," she says while walking out the door. "And call."

Danielle kind of shakes it off, because she feels all everyone is telling her to do lately is call them, but before her mother has even pulled out of the driveway, she has to take out her cell phone. "I think my water just broke," she says, staring at the wetness between her feet on the kitchen floor.

***

They are in the queue of limos for the red carpet when Kevin's phone rings.

"Are you okay?" has become the token way he answers the phone whenever Danielle calls, forget about hello.

"My water broke and my mother's taking me to the hospital. Where are you?"

"Wait, your water broke?" Kevin yells into the phone, and everyone's eyes in the car lock onto him. "But that means the baby is coming now."

"Not now, we have time, but you need to get a plane. Okay? Just worry right now about getting on a plane. I'll call you if anything changes." She sounds like she's got everything together. Like a mom, actually.

"I love you," he tells her, hands shaking.

"I love you too, Kevin. Let me know when you get a flight." She hangs up on him, and he turns to his father.

"I've got to get back to Dallas."

No one argues with him.

***

They admit her immediately, and take her to a very nice, private room right down the hall from where she was two months ago.

She's making conversation with the nursing staff, and calling almost everyone in her phone book once the doctor comes in and examines her, confident that if the baby doesn't come today, it'll be here by tomorrow.

Danielle's even taking the contractions in stride, trying to remember her breathing, and knowing it's all part of the process. That she can get her epidural eventually and trying not to watch the clock.

She's entirely calm and together until Kevin walks in the door and then she absolutely loses it because she can.

***

Joe and Nick decide to go ahead with attending the show and to just catch a flight home after the broadcast wraps, but even though they've spent months doing the interview circuit in relation to Danielle's pregnancy, neither one of them seems that sure of what to do.

Or maybe Nick knows, but Joe certainly doesn't. The first person with a microphone who asks them where Kevin is gets him saying, "Kevin's sorry he couldn't be here with us, but he's becoming a daddy tonight," which he knows is going to be a sound byte all over the internet before Kevin even lands. Joe's positive he should be embarrassed but he's just really excited. And plus meeting his first grandchild will probably take most of the edge off whatever his dad's going to have to say about it.

"Why don't you let me handle the questions?" Nick says after that, and Joe's totally down with that because it gives him more time to text with Demi and grin his face off for the cameras.

"Yeah, sounds good, Nick," he says, pulling out his phone again. _officially going to be UNCLE JOE before the week's out and you have NOTHING to say besides awesome? Not even in caps?_

 _Haha_ she sends him back the next time. _AWESOME FOR YOU UNCLE JOE!! Can't wait to meet the baby!_

 _I can get you at the airport_ he texts right before he has to go and play nice with Taylor for the photographers, but she doesn't respond.

***

Kevin was honestly thinking he was going to walk into the hospital room and there Danielle would be, sitting in the bed, holding the baby, and glaring at him for missing the most important moment in their kid's life and breaking some unspoken promise they had to always be there for each other when things got tough.

But she's still very much in the labor process, apparently only dilated four centimeters, which he knows means they have some time to go.

He's there when they give her the epidural, and when they tell her she’s going to have to start getting ready to push, and he can’t imagine that he could have missed any piece of this. That he made a choice that would have had him miss it.

She’s doing so well, but she’s exhausted though, looking at her, it’s obvious how tired she is. “You can do this. We’re so close to meeting this little boy or girl. Our little boy or girl, okay? You can do this,” he reassures her, and she squeezes down on his hand.

All it takes is three pushes, after what the doctor says was probably sixteen hours of labor, and then she’s holding up this little wailing baby, telling them “It’s a girl! Daddy, do you want to cut the cord?”

“She’s beautiful,” Danielle says, touching her little hands, while the baby lies on her chest and the doctor instructs him to what he’s supposed to do. 

He’s crying and laughing at the same time, leaning in to kiss Danielle’s flushed forehead. "I love you, Dani, God, I love you so much, you're amazing," and lots of other things are pouring out of his mouth, the same kind of babble nonsense he says to her in bed, when he's more focused internally on trying to figure out if you can die from being too happy. If it's possible to just burst open, because this is too good. Too much.

She tells him, “We have a daughter!”

And it’s like he’s realizing it all over again, like he’s had to realize it so many times since she first showed him that pregnancy test on the tour bus, but he’s someone’s dad now.

“Thank you so much for doing this for me,” he says. “There is no way I can repay you for all these months of work. For today.”

She tells him she loves him and kisses him, over and over again, until they bring the baby back, all clean and smelling like powder. They count her fingers and toes and Kevin takes approximately a thousand pictures.

“What do you want to call her?” Danielle asks.

“Mackenzie,” he says, because it was one of those names they kept coming back to while the other ones got knocked off the list.

“Mackenzie Belle?” she asks, because his wife is going to do everything she can to get their daughter the name of a Disney princess.

“I like that.” The baby yawns in Danielle’s arms. “Welcome to the world, Mackenzie Belle.”

***

Kevin sends them each a text message on their way back from the airport, saying, _check twitter_ , and Nick’s opening it up on his phone while Joe’s not so much leaning over Nick’s shoulder as he is imitating a backpack.

And there she is, their niece, wearing this little yellow hat that their mother gave Danielle and laying on the latest of their tour t-shirts.

 _Happy Birthday Mackenzie Belle Jonas! 7 lbs 6 oz 4/24/10_ the text says, and Nick retweets it to everyone before sending Kevin and Danielle each a message.

_You’re going to be the best of parents. CONGRATULATIONS!!_

“She’s gorgeous, right?” Joe asks him. “Like, I’m not just thinking that because she’s Kevin’s?”

Nick says, “No, she’s a beautiful baby,” because she really is. She doesn’t look new, like she just struggled to get here into the world. And seeing her, even just on the little screen of his phone, he has no idea how he ever could have been sad about her existing.

Joe’s trying to call, but he says, “Kevin’s line is still busy and Danielle’s phone is off or dead. I want to know what her hair looks like!”

“Could you imagine Kevin’s hair on this little baby’s head?”

They start listing off the baby’s features: Danielle’s eyes, Kevin’s nose, maybe Mom’s mouth, and then fighting over who’s going to get to hold her first.

***

Danielle is, she thinks, the most tired she has ever been in her entire life. And yet she can’t stop smiling and go to sleep because she’s watching Mackenzie in her little plastic bassinet. She’s only going to be this little once.

Kevin’s passed out on the sofa under the window, and she can’t help and notice the similarities in how their mouths look while they’re sleeping.

Mackenzie whimpers and stirs a little, and Danielle strokes her dark hair, until she quiets down again. “Mommy’s here,” she whispers and notices how different it is to talk to a baby that’s actually present instead of inside of her. “She loves you a lot, and is so excited you made it to our family. So happy.”

***

_People_ came and did an official photo shoot and story about Mackenzie, and Danielle can’t stop talking about how it’s kind of like of course _People_ had to be here, this is a big event in our lives. But in addition to the professional shots of them looking at Mackenzie on the bed, and laying her on the changing table, they put in some personal photos too. There's Joe holding her for the first time at the hospital, and Mackenzie sleeping on Kevin's chest, and one of Nick shaking her hand with a rattle in it.

Danielle even gives them a copy of the photo Kevin took right before he left for Vegas to compare with her new post-baby look, which is phenomenal considering she just gave birth a month ago.

It’s one of the few issues of the magazines that Joe actually holds on to after their publicist mails it to him.

But the picture he has stuck on the dashboard of his car isn’t one that was in the issue. It’s of Demi rocking Mackenzie in the chair in the nursery that he snapped himself.

Nick joked with him if he was going to write _My Girls_ on the back and Joe had shoved him, kind of hard, into the passenger door, but Nick just laughed.

Demi hasn’t seen it yet, he doesn’t know what she’d say about it.

***

Kevin writes “April 24th” for the next album. It’s the song he sings to Mackenzie every night before bed, and when he gives her a bath, and it’s what he’s doing the first time he’s sure she smiled at him even though Danielle says she’s still too little to be smiling about anything happening outside of herself.

It’s maybe his favorite thing he’s ever written.


End file.
